gots me a headache/all you had to say was thanks

its really more of a physical one instead an emotional. i sometimes get those too. those just make me ache period.

please pray for Mary Peeples. she is my Pastor's mother, and apparently she is in the hospital and is not doing to well. please pray for a speedy recovery. so do it now.. as you read this.. if you do..

so..

the high school bible study that i have been attending is wonderful. i have really needed the collective insight that the study has brought. i have taken to heart a lot of the information that i already knew, and it has resurfaced some of the daily spiritual practices that i had let slip. practices such as daily devotion and daily prayer. the daily prayer has been more of throughout the entire day, many, many, many times a day prayer. i have been praying especially hard for guidance in general. thoughts, actions, ladies.. i have felt more at peace.

i also feel less of a shell. the last year or so i have felt spiritually inadequate, like an empty shell. and now i don't.
magical..

i took the ACT today.. it sucked big time. i think i did pretty well on it, with the exception of the math and science section. truthfully i am scared out of my mind that i won't do well enough to get into a decent college. education is everything in this country, and when it comes down to it, i am horrible at the one thing every college wants me to be good at. Math.. i just can't beat it. i so bad want to be able to provide for myself and blank in the future, but me having poor math skills is a possible deterrent to that dream. i am, with all truth and sincerity, scared to death about it. the future scares me.. i hate when things aren't guaranteed, and i can't see whats coming next. i think thats why i have been so so so hesitant about dating, cause i just can't give my heart to something that could possibly fail. I have a really hard time trusting anyone, so to give that piece of me up for something that could possibly not last, is a real hard concept for me to swallow, or even grasp. i just have to know that she's in it as much as me. which brings me to my next topic that possibly no one will read or comment on...

dating..
for me dating isn't a status you can put on facebook, or someone that you can call and pretend that you have actual love for. it needs to be something that i can rely on, something that i know to be real. so i have been praying about it, and hopefully God will have someone for me. friends are nice to have, but at some point, you just want something more.. everyone always has like 20 girlfriends or boyfriends during their high school or college years. Everyone seems to just go crazy until they find someone they can hang on to.. or maybe that is the way.. who knows?
not me..

huh?

so...

here i am again, staring at the computer screen trying to remember the copious mental notes I took of the different people i as around this afternoon.. the mental notes are for future joke references..

i'm sleepy though i doubt sleep will present itself to me tonight.. my mind is way too active at night.. its probably all the mountain dew.. but its just sooo good.

i feel really weird tonight. i mean more than usual.. like i'm sleeping but awake..
yeah this post is boring sorry.. i'm too sleepy to come up with a new and exciting metaphor that would normally blow your mind.. go read a past post..

i like this song -- its called "The Edge of Water" by Jars of Clay

have you ever been haunted
the way i've been by you?
and have you ever felt
the measure of the days that i've spent waiting
pining for you?

i can't see the sun for the daylight
i can't feel your breath for the wind
i don't want to step from these shadows
'til you're comin' back again

i've dammed the emotions
to keep my lanterns lit
i'm shaken by this longing
that course through my veins
in my mind i can't make sense of it

i can't see the sun for the daylight
i can't feel your breath for the wind
i get so used to these shadows
are you comin' back again?

do we give up this search and turn out the light?
and give up this holy ghost that rattles through the night?

i can't see the sun for the daylight
i can't feel your breath for the wind
i don't want to step from these shadows
'til you come back again

i can't see the sun for the daylight
i can't feel your breath for the wind
i get so used to these shadows
will you chase away these shadows
when you come back again?

when you come back again
when you come back again
when you come back again
when you come back
when you come back again
when you come back
when you come back again