sweetness

So this week has been amazing. For those who did not know, I have been at my youth camp learning and growing.

Now truthfully, after Monday night I was not impressed at all with the way camp was going, spiritually speaking. It did not feel special, or leave any kind of awesome reverberating spiritual earmark on my heart. Then Tuesday night happened....

Now if you can read through the lines on some of my previous blogs, you can see I have been struggling with my patience regarding dating issues. I have always had this mindset that patience is virtue, especially when it comes to giving your heart out, but I had been slowly loosing this virtue that was so very important to me, and i knew if i had continued down that road, i would have wounded up broken, bitter, and hurt. At least more cynical then i am now.

The main part of the message that I held on to, was about two cups. The passages were John 19: 28- ? and Psalms 51. read 'em some time. or ask me about them

Drink # 1 equates to some form of hedonism. Basically you want whatever now, despite the possible repercussions.
Drink # 2 equates to being patient even if the pain of the patience, or the event that whatever the situation is, will break you.

this is from my journal page out of the camp notebook. i wrote this Tuesday night after the service.

"I want and long for the second cup, and i want more than anything for that patience to pay off resulting in what I ultimately want. My only real problem is that i'm constantly second guessing my patience, thinking that i may miss my warning sign. This constant Jekyll/Hyde personality is tearing my heart apart, separating my mind and causing fragments of misguided thoughts to effect my actual judgment. I get to this point where the thought of waiting for the "one" any longer, kills my soul. The world around me, no matter how much i don't want to admit it, effects my thought pattern, and gives fuel to my impatience. The best quotes ever is: "God always gives the best to those who leave it up to him." Once this train of thought took seed in my heart, the first became totally obsolete, giving me the mindset that i need, to always maintain my sight on the second cup. When you think about it, it would be so much better to be unhappy in the will of God(second cup), then happy outside of His will(first cup). He gives and takes away, so the ultimate mindset that i need to adopt, is that everything will work out to God's plan, and no matter how much it might kill me, it will be alright. This message was the first part of my warning sign, and i know whatever the outcome is, it will be fine."

Basically God slapped me in the face, reminding me that I should hold on to the second cup no matter what, cause He's taken care of me. I was starting to lose that mentality, and i'm so glad that it was presented through that message. The two cups does not necessarily have to be about dating, but that was what i took from it.

I also figured out why i like the character Mr. Darcy so much. He was a second cup man..

I sincerely think i've gotten a glance at the "second cup", but I'm just gonna let God take care of it.. that will be the remaining bit of my warning sign

rant

sometimes in life you just feel out. you're so tired of crap and the only thing you can do is roll with it. see my problem is that I've always had a hard time putting up with anything. I can't roll over, I have to go out with a fight. I will let you know what I think about the situation even if it means that I'm gonna get canned for it. That's probably why i'm gonna go to Law School. Days like this one just suck. You come home, and you just want more than a noisy house and ramen noodles. I just wish people wouldn't make big deals out of nothing. I just hate complicated. I think that's why I haven't wanted a girlfriend. I just haven't found anyone that is laid back enough, or isn't petty. I need a relationship that can help make me a better person. I think i've found her, but I'm waiting for the warning sign. Love is so complicated and people just don't see it for what it is anymore. It's whats happening to this country. We no longer have people in office that will stand for the Constitution. It pisses me off more than anything to see the Constitution used for personal political gain. It just kills me that gays can sue churches for telling them no. Our stupid judges have NO problem making sure there is a separation of church and state, then go and rule in favor of the gay citizens when the church that has been separated from state( read one line up) tells them they won't do a ceremony, or allow them to use their property. The church has a constitutional right to tell the person no. It's like I have a constitutional right to disagree with the government. Who cares if the person thinks it's unfair. The point is, our religious freedoms are being thrown out the window because liberal politicians break their own rules and stick their dirty hands in the privatized church's cookie jar. Remember who separated the church from the state?

growing up and warning signs

It has certainly been awhile since my last nonsensical rant, and a lot of things have changed since the departure of my last non quintessential quintessential blog. I have been slowly forced to grow up in this time, and although I've always embraced my inner child that makes up my serious joking mannerisms, I have come to except the undertaking of my coming adulthood. yeah that was a mouthful, I know.. Who I'm I kidding? Seriously joking is the best ever.. Throws everyone off.

I've had several inquiries about my Facebook status, so I guess I will go ahead and lay most of it down. The whole "Warning Sign" is a song by the band Coldplay, and it is there to remind myself that I have to be patient on certain issues that are requiring me to trust God explicitly. So, I'm just waiting on that warning sign. I have always had problems in situations like these, because of not trusting God. So I have to trust him no matter what, and wait for my warning sign. I will keep that status until this is over.

Coldplay - Warning Sign

http://www.imeem.com/yanamichiyo/music/kFhiCl4q/coldplay_warning_sign/

A warning sign,
I missed the good part then I realized,
I started looking and the bubble burst.
I started looking for excuses.

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

A warning sign,
You came back to haunt me and I realized,
That you were an island and I passed you by,
You were an island to discover.

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

And I'm tired,
I should not have let you go.

So I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms.
And I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms...