sweetness

So this week has been amazing. For those who did not know, I have been at my youth camp learning and growing.

Now truthfully, after Monday night I was not impressed at all with the way camp was going, spiritually speaking. It did not feel special, or leave any kind of awesome reverberating spiritual earmark on my heart. Then Tuesday night happened....

Now if you can read through the lines on some of my previous blogs, you can see I have been struggling with my patience regarding dating issues. I have always had this mindset that patience is virtue, especially when it comes to giving your heart out, but I had been slowly loosing this virtue that was so very important to me, and i knew if i had continued down that road, i would have wounded up broken, bitter, and hurt. At least more cynical then i am now.

The main part of the message that I held on to, was about two cups. The passages were John 19: 28- ? and Psalms 51. read 'em some time. or ask me about them

Drink # 1 equates to some form of hedonism. Basically you want whatever now, despite the possible repercussions.
Drink # 2 equates to being patient even if the pain of the patience, or the event that whatever the situation is, will break you.

this is from my journal page out of the camp notebook. i wrote this Tuesday night after the service.

"I want and long for the second cup, and i want more than anything for that patience to pay off resulting in what I ultimately want. My only real problem is that i'm constantly second guessing my patience, thinking that i may miss my warning sign. This constant Jekyll/Hyde personality is tearing my heart apart, separating my mind and causing fragments of misguided thoughts to effect my actual judgment. I get to this point where the thought of waiting for the "one" any longer, kills my soul. The world around me, no matter how much i don't want to admit it, effects my thought pattern, and gives fuel to my impatience. The best quotes ever is: "God always gives the best to those who leave it up to him." Once this train of thought took seed in my heart, the first became totally obsolete, giving me the mindset that i need, to always maintain my sight on the second cup. When you think about it, it would be so much better to be unhappy in the will of God(second cup), then happy outside of His will(first cup). He gives and takes away, so the ultimate mindset that i need to adopt, is that everything will work out to God's plan, and no matter how much it might kill me, it will be alright. This message was the first part of my warning sign, and i know whatever the outcome is, it will be fine."

Basically God slapped me in the face, reminding me that I should hold on to the second cup no matter what, cause He's taken care of me. I was starting to lose that mentality, and i'm so glad that it was presented through that message. The two cups does not necessarily have to be about dating, but that was what i took from it.

I also figured out why i like the character Mr. Darcy so much. He was a second cup man..

I sincerely think i've gotten a glance at the "second cup", but I'm just gonna let God take care of it.. that will be the remaining bit of my warning sign