I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning. - The Perks of Being A Wallflower

Let it all out
Get it all out
Rip it out remove it
Don't be alarmed
When the wound begins to bleed
Cause we're so scared to find out
What this life's all about
So scared we're going to lose it
Not knowing all along
That's exactly what we need

And today I will trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
Oh, inconsistent me
Crying out for consistency

And you said I know that this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart then things will get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember
The end will justify the pain it took to get us there

And I'll let it be known
At times I have shown
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me
There is strength

And you promise me
That you believe
In time I will defeat this
Cause somewhere in me
There is strength

And today I will trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
And I'll try my best to just forget
That that man isn't me

Reach out to me
Make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for you
For you 
And I know you know
You touched my life
When you touched my heavy heart and made it light

I can feel it now, I'm on the verge of something else.
Build up inside, pressure mounting pushing love outside.
I feel like a swirling storm, tossed to and fro.
an open wind on one thousand seas collecting the discontentment of one thousand
sailors and their burdens of unease.
a fervant tide of ebb and flow, a slowly sinking ship, helm destroyed by
unumbered wars.
wars of attrition and wars of masochistic fights.
battles of anger, battles of hurt and pride.
the ground still being held by what constitutes right,
no understanding or even a hint of light.
time only tells what times allows
you only forget when you let it go

It's funny how the things we do shape the things to come. How you can have no idea what someone is trying to convey through their experiences and you have no way to empathize with what they are saying until you experience something similar. It opens your eyes.

How you never understand a song until something happens in your life, then you suddenly understand what the artist is saying. You know exactly what they were feeling and the sense of happiness or pain or sorrow is felt in the same way.

"I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning". - The Perks of Being A Wallflower

I'm tired of being friends

Light and Dark

I lost my way in the land of the lonely

I have no need for a bull from your pen

But I did not see what you were doing

You stained my face with a love that was resounding.

I saw a light that shone so very brightly

It became my slight so bright and blinding

And I was a tree with roots seeking fresh water

You were a stream in a garden of new beauty

I lost my way in the land of milk and honey

I wanted you more than I ever should have

I became enthralled with what I deemed worthy

You awoke me, You told me I was wrong

I make account for my sin, shame, and fever

I could not see the obsession overtaking me

What is the cost to become so accosted

I am a man with investments so cheap

I was afraid of the failure inside of my skin

the deep and dark beneath my bright and dim

I became angry, questioning Your every intention

You shot me down smoke trailing from my brain

You shot me down and put me in my place

I misread the weight of what became breath taking

I now believe in a specific beautiful plan

I can now see the rises and the falls,

I see where You have me so clearly

I can see why You put me in my place

So close yet so far away
a caged bird sings everyday.
Masochistic it would seem
when I see you the harder I dream
Controlled chaos my heart falls to
lack of control is now entropy.

Breathe out to breathe you in
feel the same yet feel differently
I walk the road of chaos and bliss
you are the love I'd love to dismiss

Walked in on the edge of fall
left me with feelings of winter thaw
yearnings of another season
where difference is not disconcerting
though warmer days you still will remain

Understanding no price will provide
confidence containing pend up pride
no answers no reasons why
no matter the difference this bird will fly

I feel like a crap writer sometimes.

true story..