gots me a headache/all you had to say was thanks

its really more of a physical one instead an emotional. i sometimes get those too. those just make me ache period.

please pray for Mary Peeples. she is my Pastor's mother, and apparently she is in the hospital and is not doing to well. please pray for a speedy recovery. so do it now.. as you read this.. if you do..

so..

the high school bible study that i have been attending is wonderful. i have really needed the collective insight that the study has brought. i have taken to heart a lot of the information that i already knew, and it has resurfaced some of the daily spiritual practices that i had let slip. practices such as daily devotion and daily prayer. the daily prayer has been more of throughout the entire day, many, many, many times a day prayer. i have been praying especially hard for guidance in general. thoughts, actions, ladies.. i have felt more at peace.

i also feel less of a shell. the last year or so i have felt spiritually inadequate, like an empty shell. and now i don't.
magical..

i took the ACT today.. it sucked big time. i think i did pretty well on it, with the exception of the math and science section. truthfully i am scared out of my mind that i won't do well enough to get into a decent college. education is everything in this country, and when it comes down to it, i am horrible at the one thing every college wants me to be good at. Math.. i just can't beat it. i so bad want to be able to provide for myself and blank in the future, but me having poor math skills is a possible deterrent to that dream. i am, with all truth and sincerity, scared to death about it. the future scares me.. i hate when things aren't guaranteed, and i can't see whats coming next. i think thats why i have been so so so hesitant about dating, cause i just can't give my heart to something that could possibly fail. I have a really hard time trusting anyone, so to give that piece of me up for something that could possibly not last, is a real hard concept for me to swallow, or even grasp. i just have to know that she's in it as much as me. which brings me to my next topic that possibly no one will read or comment on...

dating..
for me dating isn't a status you can put on facebook, or someone that you can call and pretend that you have actual love for. it needs to be something that i can rely on, something that i know to be real. so i have been praying about it, and hopefully God will have someone for me. friends are nice to have, but at some point, you just want something more.. everyone always has like 20 girlfriends or boyfriends during their high school or college years. Everyone seems to just go crazy until they find someone they can hang on to.. or maybe that is the way.. who knows?
not me..

huh?

so...

here i am again, staring at the computer screen trying to remember the copious mental notes I took of the different people i as around this afternoon.. the mental notes are for future joke references..

i'm sleepy though i doubt sleep will present itself to me tonight.. my mind is way too active at night.. its probably all the mountain dew.. but its just sooo good.

i feel really weird tonight. i mean more than usual.. like i'm sleeping but awake..
yeah this post is boring sorry.. i'm too sleepy to come up with a new and exciting metaphor that would normally blow your mind.. go read a past post..

i like this song -- its called "The Edge of Water" by Jars of Clay

have you ever been haunted
the way i've been by you?
and have you ever felt
the measure of the days that i've spent waiting
pining for you?

i can't see the sun for the daylight
i can't feel your breath for the wind
i don't want to step from these shadows
'til you're comin' back again

i've dammed the emotions
to keep my lanterns lit
i'm shaken by this longing
that course through my veins
in my mind i can't make sense of it

i can't see the sun for the daylight
i can't feel your breath for the wind
i get so used to these shadows
are you comin' back again?

do we give up this search and turn out the light?
and give up this holy ghost that rattles through the night?

i can't see the sun for the daylight
i can't feel your breath for the wind
i don't want to step from these shadows
'til you come back again

i can't see the sun for the daylight
i can't feel your breath for the wind
i get so used to these shadows
will you chase away these shadows
when you come back again?

when you come back again
when you come back again
when you come back again
when you come back
when you come back again
when you come back
when you come back again

the week of leftovers

so Thanksgiving has passed, along with Black Friday.. everything was bought by 9:00 am friday..
Thanksgiving was rather boring this year, none of my family came except my Nana, who i wish to enslave so she can make her Coconut Cake for me every day all day.
The youth group went to the mall on Wednesday and participated in a scavenger hunt. it was pretty fun. Trey quit 5 minutes into the hunt because of "back problems." how much money do you want to bet he is going to play his hardest tomorrow during the turkey bowl..
my thoughts exactly..

its a work of progress, but i think its alright. i always have the hardest time putting things to music. i guess i'll have to try a little harder this time. i want to add another verse, but nothing more has come to me yet..

has anyone ever told you your eyes can light up the room
and even if its cloudy outside, your eyes can shine
like the moon.

has anyone ever told you to stay
because your eyes can light up their soul.
has anyone ever told you to that they would
give you the world? the stars already inhabit your eyes.

i'm telling you now. if you haven't heard those
words a thousands time, i'll tell you a thousand more.
i'm telling you now, cause you might have been
broken before, but i will fix you now.

people search the stars for their answers,
but i just watch your eyes. they sparkle and burn,
flow and they yearn for a little something more.
and at the end of the day when the sky is dark and gray
and the stars have yet to shine. just turn your head
and smile my way and the stars will be in my arms.

don't cry, its only a blog

so..

i'm 18 now. i can vote and thats about it.. stay at the mall later than most kids. who like the mall anyway? to many people.

i got a gloriously awesome 80 gig Zune for my birthday. its the sweetest thing since cotton candy. i guess i shouldn't use the literal use of the word "sweet" for my metaphor, but if anyone wants to complain about my slowly dieing use of allegories in this blog, please feel free too.

i always start out having something of personal significants to write, but by the time i have typed the introduction of this blog, i have forgotten what i had originally intended to write. it never fails.
ok..
i have come to the conclusion that the U.N. is stupid and a huge waist of time and money on every governments part. since 2004, different officials have been trying to get the U.N. to do something about the now apparent genocide in Darfur. Evidently, the no one wants to upset any other country by encroaching on their "sovereignty". so in turn, the U.N. make useless threats against the Sudan Government telling them to disband their "government fighters" who are the cause of the ravaged and raped people, and if they don't, so and so will happen. but nothing ever happens. they make useless threats that they don't ever carry out. plus the Chinese government gets most of their oil from Sudan and since they are getting their oil there, they have been a huge deterrent of the minuscule help that is finally, after like 3 years, getting there. plus.. they supply the weapons for the Janjaweed, aka: the "government soldiers". i'm pretty sure that isn't helping..
but anyways.. if the U.N. would actually like to help the world like its suppose to, they would display some courage when threating governments, and instead of always going in after there has been a conflict, they should try to do more to prevent these atrocities, before they happen..

just my two cents.

now some crazy Chinese kgb guy is going to come and kill me. so i suddenly become "missing", you know why.

i think i'm going to post a link for this blog on my facebook, so if anyone actually comes and reads these clippings of my mind, feel free to comment..

whats up doc?

well i have decided to make myself a blog. so here it is..

i believe blogs are used for ramblings of different sorts, but since i am fresh out of ramblings, the general population will have to wait until i come up with something to type.


ok maybe I have something to say..

where to start..

I'm turning 18 tomorrow, and I still haven't figured out the significants of it. I guess it just means more responsibility I am going to have to eventually shoulder.

I have had this bit of song in and out of my head for the last week. its by relient k, and the song is called I Am Understood?
the piece that has been stuck in my head goes like this..

"You're the only one who understands completely. you're the only one who knows me yet still loves completely"

"And sometimes the place i'm at is at a loss for words
If i think of something worthy, i know that it's already yours and through the times i've faded and you've outlined me again you've just patiently waited, to bring me back and then"


i fail so many times as a person and the line that goes "you're the only who know me yet still loves completely" just shatters me, and brings me to a place where i actually am "at a loss for words". it so true that so many times i fade in and out of my Christian walk, but every single time God is there waiting ever so "patiently to bring me back"
its a truly great song with an awesome message. listen to it if you ever get the chance.

i think i am going to try to write music again. i always start writing, but it never goes in the direction i want too.

i don't think i am going to post any kind of link to this blog until at least one of my friends actually finds it.