sweetness

So this week has been amazing. For those who did not know, I have been at my youth camp learning and growing.

Now truthfully, after Monday night I was not impressed at all with the way camp was going, spiritually speaking. It did not feel special, or leave any kind of awesome reverberating spiritual earmark on my heart. Then Tuesday night happened....

Now if you can read through the lines on some of my previous blogs, you can see I have been struggling with my patience regarding dating issues. I have always had this mindset that patience is virtue, especially when it comes to giving your heart out, but I had been slowly loosing this virtue that was so very important to me, and i knew if i had continued down that road, i would have wounded up broken, bitter, and hurt. At least more cynical then i am now.

The main part of the message that I held on to, was about two cups. The passages were John 19: 28- ? and Psalms 51. read 'em some time. or ask me about them

Drink # 1 equates to some form of hedonism. Basically you want whatever now, despite the possible repercussions.
Drink # 2 equates to being patient even if the pain of the patience, or the event that whatever the situation is, will break you.

this is from my journal page out of the camp notebook. i wrote this Tuesday night after the service.

"I want and long for the second cup, and i want more than anything for that patience to pay off resulting in what I ultimately want. My only real problem is that i'm constantly second guessing my patience, thinking that i may miss my warning sign. This constant Jekyll/Hyde personality is tearing my heart apart, separating my mind and causing fragments of misguided thoughts to effect my actual judgment. I get to this point where the thought of waiting for the "one" any longer, kills my soul. The world around me, no matter how much i don't want to admit it, effects my thought pattern, and gives fuel to my impatience. The best quotes ever is: "God always gives the best to those who leave it up to him." Once this train of thought took seed in my heart, the first became totally obsolete, giving me the mindset that i need, to always maintain my sight on the second cup. When you think about it, it would be so much better to be unhappy in the will of God(second cup), then happy outside of His will(first cup). He gives and takes away, so the ultimate mindset that i need to adopt, is that everything will work out to God's plan, and no matter how much it might kill me, it will be alright. This message was the first part of my warning sign, and i know whatever the outcome is, it will be fine."

Basically God slapped me in the face, reminding me that I should hold on to the second cup no matter what, cause He's taken care of me. I was starting to lose that mentality, and i'm so glad that it was presented through that message. The two cups does not necessarily have to be about dating, but that was what i took from it.

I also figured out why i like the character Mr. Darcy so much. He was a second cup man..

I sincerely think i've gotten a glance at the "second cup", but I'm just gonna let God take care of it.. that will be the remaining bit of my warning sign

rant

sometimes in life you just feel out. you're so tired of crap and the only thing you can do is roll with it. see my problem is that I've always had a hard time putting up with anything. I can't roll over, I have to go out with a fight. I will let you know what I think about the situation even if it means that I'm gonna get canned for it. That's probably why i'm gonna go to Law School. Days like this one just suck. You come home, and you just want more than a noisy house and ramen noodles. I just wish people wouldn't make big deals out of nothing. I just hate complicated. I think that's why I haven't wanted a girlfriend. I just haven't found anyone that is laid back enough, or isn't petty. I need a relationship that can help make me a better person. I think i've found her, but I'm waiting for the warning sign. Love is so complicated and people just don't see it for what it is anymore. It's whats happening to this country. We no longer have people in office that will stand for the Constitution. It pisses me off more than anything to see the Constitution used for personal political gain. It just kills me that gays can sue churches for telling them no. Our stupid judges have NO problem making sure there is a separation of church and state, then go and rule in favor of the gay citizens when the church that has been separated from state( read one line up) tells them they won't do a ceremony, or allow them to use their property. The church has a constitutional right to tell the person no. It's like I have a constitutional right to disagree with the government. Who cares if the person thinks it's unfair. The point is, our religious freedoms are being thrown out the window because liberal politicians break their own rules and stick their dirty hands in the privatized church's cookie jar. Remember who separated the church from the state?

growing up and warning signs

It has certainly been awhile since my last nonsensical rant, and a lot of things have changed since the departure of my last non quintessential quintessential blog. I have been slowly forced to grow up in this time, and although I've always embraced my inner child that makes up my serious joking mannerisms, I have come to except the undertaking of my coming adulthood. yeah that was a mouthful, I know.. Who I'm I kidding? Seriously joking is the best ever.. Throws everyone off.

I've had several inquiries about my Facebook status, so I guess I will go ahead and lay most of it down. The whole "Warning Sign" is a song by the band Coldplay, and it is there to remind myself that I have to be patient on certain issues that are requiring me to trust God explicitly. So, I'm just waiting on that warning sign. I have always had problems in situations like these, because of not trusting God. So I have to trust him no matter what, and wait for my warning sign. I will keep that status until this is over.

Coldplay - Warning Sign

http://www.imeem.com/yanamichiyo/music/kFhiCl4q/coldplay_warning_sign/

A warning sign,
I missed the good part then I realized,
I started looking and the bubble burst.
I started looking for excuses.

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

A warning sign,
You came back to haunt me and I realized,
That you were an island and I passed you by,
You were an island to discover.

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

And I'm tired,
I should not have let you go.

So I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms.
And I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms...

who's the punk now?

By Ryan Sorba

7:05pm Monday, Feb 11
I have been deeply disappointed to hear even friends of mine mention that simply because Barack Hussein Obama Jr. is clean cut and speaks well that he would make a good U.S. President. But when asked about what Obama stands for, most who lend him credence can give no answer. Apparently, for far too many, all it takes to qualify for the presidency are public speaking skills, never mind accomplishments or experience. And while we are on the subject of accomplishments, let me list a few personal, social, fiscal, and foreign policy measures that Barack Hussein Obama Jr. backs.

Socially, Barack Hussein Obama voted against filtering pornography on elementary school library computers, he voted for “sex education” for kindergarten children, and in 2001, Barack Hussein Obama voted “present” on a bill to keep pornographic book stores, video stores, and strip clubs from setting up within 1,000 feet of schools and churches. For some reason, the man apparently has no problem with ramming perversion in the face of school children and church goers.

In addition to his practical perversion, Barack Hussein Obama has voted against bills prohibiting the tax funding of abortions twice. Apparently, he wants you to pay for the murder of innocent children. In 2001, Barack Hussein Obama voted “present” on a bill which would notify parents when their minor children seek an abortion. In 2003, as chairman of the next Senate Committee to which the Alive Infants Protection Act was sent, Barack Hussein Obama prevented it from even getting a hearing. All that BAIPA stated, by the way, was that live-born babies are guaranteed the same constitutional right to equal protection under law as all other human beings, whether or not they are wanted. Essentially, Barack Hussein Obama voted to allow newborns to be killed by woman who just don’t feel like signing papers so that their living babies can be adopted. Apparently, Barack Hussein Obama’s wife, Michelle, is even worse. In February 2004, she sent out a fundraising letter, which actually stated her concern over the rise of conservatism in the Country, and that partial-birth abortion was a legitimate medical procedure that should be protected. Barack Hussein Obama also voted against a cloning ban in 2000 and touts the fact that he is an advocate of so-called “homosexual marriages.”

As far as foreign policy in concerned, Barack Hussein Obama might as well be on the side of Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden. Obviously, Barack Hussein Obama’s has a Muslim name. Less obviously, his father is a devout Muslim and has four wives in Africa. Obama's picture is currently displayed on the page BANNER of Project Islamic H.O.P.E. which follows the teachings of the “Holy Quran” and the example of “Prophet Muhammad.” Project Islamic H.O.P.E. supports and follows the leadership of Imam W. Deen Mohammed, one of the world’s foremost Islamic leaders. Hussein Obama’s “Black Power Pastor Wright” supports Louis Farrakhan, and in 1984 traveled with him to visit the anti-semite Col. Muammar al-Gadaffi, an archenemy of Israel and America and a firm supporter of terror groups. Obama’s own pastor has also been a severe critic of Israel. In his own pastors words: “The Israelis have illegally occupied Palestinian territories for almost 40 years now. It took a divestment campaign to wake the business community up concerning the South Africa issue. Divestment has now hit the table again as a strategy to wake the business community up and to wake Americans up concerning the injustice and the racism under which the Palestinians have lived because of Zionism.” (http://islamichope.org/) Barack Hussein Obama has also been quoted as saying, “nobody is suffering more than the Palestinian people” and that “the lives of more than 3,000 soldiers killed in Iraq have been wasted.”

In addition, Obama’s Muslim and Marxist first cousin, Raila Odinga, has run for the presidency of Muslim Kenya and upon losing, in traditional Marxist form, rejected the results of the election and instead spurned wide-scale violence in protest. Barack Hussein Obama’s father, grandfather, grandmother, four brothers, and sister are all Muslim. He has a Muslim name and attended Muslim school for two years. What’s worse is that the Muslim world believes that he is still a Muslim parading as a Christian. They believe that this is acceptable because under Islamic law, a Muslim is morally justified in doing anything to destroy those who refuse to convert. And if Barack Hussein Obama really is a Christian, then he is up for the death penalty in half the Muslim world under Shariah Law for abandoning the Muslim religion.

Barack Hussein Obama is also a closet racist. In the period from high school in Hawaii, to Columbia University, and then to the streets of Chicago as a community organizer, Obama described his world thusly: ”We were always playing on the white man's court -- by the white man's rules. If the principal, or the coach, or a teacher wanted to spit in your face, he could, because he had the power and you didn’t. The only thing you could choose was withdrawal into a smaller and smaller coil of rage.” Later in life, Barack Hussein Obama described the white race as “that ghostly figure that haunted black dreams.” “That hate hadn't gone away,” he wrote, blaming “white people — some cruel, some ignorant, sometimes a single face, sometimes just a faceless image of a system claiming power over our lives.” (http://www.examiner.com/a-536474~_Trapped_between_two_worlds_.html)

From here, Barack Hussein Obama went on to become an agitator and “leftist political organizer” for Mike Kruglick, who followed the radical communist organizer Saul Alinsky. And the agitator's job, according to Alinsky, “is first to bring folks to the ‘realization’ that they are indeed miserable, that their misery is the fault of unresponsive governments or greedy corporations, then help them to bond together to demand what they deserve, and to make such an almighty stink that the dastardly governments and corporations will see imminent ‘self-interest’ in granting whatever it is that will cause the harassment to cease.” In these methods, euphemistically labeled “community organizing,” Barack Hussein Obama had a four-year education, which he often says was the “best education he ever got anywhere.” After reading this it should be no surprise that one of Barack Hussein Obama’s key supporters is the anti-American, George Soros.

Another one of Barack Husseun Obama’s key supporters is the National Council of La Raza (NCLR), the nation's largest Hispanic Nazi-type organization. La Raza is Spanish for “the race,” and although NCLR claims it means “community” on their website, La Raza supports legislation such as the “Civil Liberties Restoration Act,” which would roll back policies adopted after Sept. 11 designed to protect national security. It also supports the “DREAM Act,” which would mandate states to offer in-state tuition rates to illegal aliens -thus providing them with benefits that are not even available to U.S. citizens from other states. La Raza (The Race) also believes that the lower third of the United States still belongs to Mexico and that it is destined to be returned to Mexico someday.

In closing, although Barack Hussein Obama is polished on the surface, the chain smoker’s stand on the defenseless seems cold to the core, his racist attitude shameful, his foreign policy is chilling and the number one front in the War on Terror in my view, has now shifted from the Middle East to “Election 2008,” and we are on the front lines. Barack Hussein Obama Jr. has been voted the most liberal U.S. Senator. For this scarlet letter he has beaten out both Hillary Clinton who placed a meager 16th and Ted Kennedy himself. As the February air chills most of the nation, I am developing gooseflesh for more reasons than just the temperature.

By Ryan Sorba

gots me a headache/all you had to say was thanks

its really more of a physical one instead an emotional. i sometimes get those too. those just make me ache period.

please pray for Mary Peeples. she is my Pastor's mother, and apparently she is in the hospital and is not doing to well. please pray for a speedy recovery. so do it now.. as you read this.. if you do..

so..

the high school bible study that i have been attending is wonderful. i have really needed the collective insight that the study has brought. i have taken to heart a lot of the information that i already knew, and it has resurfaced some of the daily spiritual practices that i had let slip. practices such as daily devotion and daily prayer. the daily prayer has been more of throughout the entire day, many, many, many times a day prayer. i have been praying especially hard for guidance in general. thoughts, actions, ladies.. i have felt more at peace.

i also feel less of a shell. the last year or so i have felt spiritually inadequate, like an empty shell. and now i don't.
magical..

i took the ACT today.. it sucked big time. i think i did pretty well on it, with the exception of the math and science section. truthfully i am scared out of my mind that i won't do well enough to get into a decent college. education is everything in this country, and when it comes down to it, i am horrible at the one thing every college wants me to be good at. Math.. i just can't beat it. i so bad want to be able to provide for myself and blank in the future, but me having poor math skills is a possible deterrent to that dream. i am, with all truth and sincerity, scared to death about it. the future scares me.. i hate when things aren't guaranteed, and i can't see whats coming next. i think thats why i have been so so so hesitant about dating, cause i just can't give my heart to something that could possibly fail. I have a really hard time trusting anyone, so to give that piece of me up for something that could possibly not last, is a real hard concept for me to swallow, or even grasp. i just have to know that she's in it as much as me. which brings me to my next topic that possibly no one will read or comment on...

dating..
for me dating isn't a status you can put on facebook, or someone that you can call and pretend that you have actual love for. it needs to be something that i can rely on, something that i know to be real. so i have been praying about it, and hopefully God will have someone for me. friends are nice to have, but at some point, you just want something more.. everyone always has like 20 girlfriends or boyfriends during their high school or college years. Everyone seems to just go crazy until they find someone they can hang on to.. or maybe that is the way.. who knows?
not me..

huh?

so...

here i am again, staring at the computer screen trying to remember the copious mental notes I took of the different people i as around this afternoon.. the mental notes are for future joke references..

i'm sleepy though i doubt sleep will present itself to me tonight.. my mind is way too active at night.. its probably all the mountain dew.. but its just sooo good.

i feel really weird tonight. i mean more than usual.. like i'm sleeping but awake..
yeah this post is boring sorry.. i'm too sleepy to come up with a new and exciting metaphor that would normally blow your mind.. go read a past post..

i like this song -- its called "The Edge of Water" by Jars of Clay

have you ever been haunted
the way i've been by you?
and have you ever felt
the measure of the days that i've spent waiting
pining for you?

i can't see the sun for the daylight
i can't feel your breath for the wind
i don't want to step from these shadows
'til you're comin' back again

i've dammed the emotions
to keep my lanterns lit
i'm shaken by this longing
that course through my veins
in my mind i can't make sense of it

i can't see the sun for the daylight
i can't feel your breath for the wind
i get so used to these shadows
are you comin' back again?

do we give up this search and turn out the light?
and give up this holy ghost that rattles through the night?

i can't see the sun for the daylight
i can't feel your breath for the wind
i don't want to step from these shadows
'til you come back again

i can't see the sun for the daylight
i can't feel your breath for the wind
i get so used to these shadows
will you chase away these shadows
when you come back again?

when you come back again
when you come back again
when you come back again
when you come back
when you come back again
when you come back
when you come back again

the week of leftovers

so Thanksgiving has passed, along with Black Friday.. everything was bought by 9:00 am friday..
Thanksgiving was rather boring this year, none of my family came except my Nana, who i wish to enslave so she can make her Coconut Cake for me every day all day.
The youth group went to the mall on Wednesday and participated in a scavenger hunt. it was pretty fun. Trey quit 5 minutes into the hunt because of "back problems." how much money do you want to bet he is going to play his hardest tomorrow during the turkey bowl..
my thoughts exactly..

its a work of progress, but i think its alright. i always have the hardest time putting things to music. i guess i'll have to try a little harder this time. i want to add another verse, but nothing more has come to me yet..

has anyone ever told you your eyes can light up the room
and even if its cloudy outside, your eyes can shine
like the moon.

has anyone ever told you to stay
because your eyes can light up their soul.
has anyone ever told you to that they would
give you the world? the stars already inhabit your eyes.

i'm telling you now. if you haven't heard those
words a thousands time, i'll tell you a thousand more.
i'm telling you now, cause you might have been
broken before, but i will fix you now.

people search the stars for their answers,
but i just watch your eyes. they sparkle and burn,
flow and they yearn for a little something more.
and at the end of the day when the sky is dark and gray
and the stars have yet to shine. just turn your head
and smile my way and the stars will be in my arms.