hmm.. Yellow bird?

So I am pretty lethargic about now. Who needs sleep anyways? and that was rhetorical..

I hate having a thousand words in my heart, but not be able to let a single one loose. I think it could quite possibly be the worst feeling. Hakuna Matata?

Elevate has been especially amazing the last few weeks. We have been talking about prayer and how it should be. Or rather how we should pray.. Last night's message was awesome in the fact that it was a kick in my face, and I really really really needed to hear it. There were several key verses spoken on, but the three that stuck out to me were Matthew 7:7/8, Luke 22:42, and Romans 12:12.

Matthew 7:7/8 - "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened".

Luke 22:42 - "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done".

Romans 12:12 - "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer".

I overthink and worry about the outcome of events in my life that "I" want to see happen. God just really convicted me with those three verses telling me that I should ask and it will be given to me, but I should seek him. Also that I should always trust that His will be done, and even if what "I" want doesn't happen, be patient in the affliction because He will provide what I need. I get so tired of things not going the way I want them to go, but I need to keep the mindset that it's the way God has it, so it's fine.

I pray that God will open doors when I seek Him first, because I don't know if I would understand if they didn't open. But that is for another time..

I also was convicted that I need to spend more time in prayer, praying for people.. Lets not be selfish

Work in progress.. I wrote in a few minutes..I kinda like it

You don't have to shed a tear
but if your well overflows I
will be right here. If you need
a shoulder to give it all up on
I will be right here

You don't have to shed a tear
but now the river is flooded
I will try to make it all better
where is that smile that lightens
up the room? I will bring it out
with a laugh or two.

sleepy thoughts

I can't invest in something that I'm not sure that I can get a return on.

I have to know..

something witty..

Been writing some lately. We'll see how this ends up. Discovered some new awesome music through my new musical master Shelby. Conor Oberst, Azure Ray, Fleet Foxes, The Everybodyfields, Kevin Devine, Manchester Orchestra.. just too name a few. Thanks Shelby!

Written in Lead

There is a hole in my chest oozing out ink
A hollow divide that keeps me awake
Sleepless nights and run away dreams
Never fill these pages with quite enough ink

The words echo in my brain
Reverberating silence that reflects the pain
A constant reminder of the spiritual mark
that becomes the elusive target of choice

There is a hole in my chest oozing out ink
Writing down all the mistakes that I've made
I dream of the day when my mind forgets
The past mistakes that keep me awake

The mistakes you make are easily forgotten
As long as you don't write them in ink
And the funny thing is this is written
in lead. so it can be all erased away.


work in progress..

New day erupts from the fresh air
and the words I say aren't the
ones I desire out of my mouth
It's easy to picture, easy to dream
But harder to say when you're next to me

The awkward silence can signal two things
Complete infatuation or a wish to steal away

I wanna wear my heart on my sleeve

It has been a while since I lasted typed my thoughts for the public eye. Since my last vernacular suicide, I started college and finished a semester. It was really nothing special. Truthfully it has been a difficult few months with the exception of Christmas break.

People change when they experience the blissful yet terrifying first months of college. It is an entirely different atmosphere and people lose themselves in their new surroundings. People in general have always been a disappointment to me, always falling when I thought they were stronger. The only difference between me and those people, I swear I see myself falling and try to equate for it by preparing myself for it. Blame it on prophecy. Others just throw things in front of them to break the fall. Like hearts and other breakable essential things that can potentially damage the way friendships are viewed. I am just not a terribly big fan of pettiness. I actually hate it, and when something petty messes something up for me it makes me quite angry and leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. Forever.

I am beginning to think my spiritual gift of prophecy is a curse not a gift. I hate how clear I see things and how I can't seem to make people see the clarity. But it is actually my lack of love. I need to be more loving. It is hard to love people who screw you over though.

I think I am going to ask a girl out. I see her around and the small conversations that I have had with her left the unequivocal feeling that I should try to whisk her off her feet.

This has been very random sorry.

This song is me 100%

Awful Direction by The Almost

Life has given me the, me the creeps
I need you to make, to make, to make me weak
I have made my world my own, I've made it my own
And I have never been so alone

I can't stop my brain from moving
in an awful direction Lord
I can't stop my hands from doing
what I don't want to do anymore
I've been wrong
I've been right
but tonight
I just wanna be yours

I'm planning this out
to be all about me
I, I am wrong can you help me?

I can't stop this brain from moving
in an awful direction Lord
I can't stop these hands from doing
what I don't want to do anymore
I've been wrong
I've been right
but tonight
I just wanna be yours

I've got to let go of all of this
'cause I'm dragging me down, down

I can't stop my brain from moving
in an awful direction Lord
I can't stop my hands from doing
what I don't want to do anymore
I've been wrong
I've been right
but tonight
I just wanna be yours
I just wanna be yours
I just wanna be yours

tears are for babies. and sad movies

So I have been trying to write again. I've never really been happy with what I had written previously, but I ended up putting music to something I wrote at about 3 last night, and I think it's pretty good. It flowed well to me, and it's how i feel. its basically about how i second guess everything, and how I feel guilty for not trusting that God's will will be done. I play it in capo 8 out of C. and it's 6/8.


A tear, one single tear, cause I know and I swear it's unfair.
This, this tragic scene, plays in my mind, and makes me feel ill.
all sick and hopeless inside. I, I just can't believe, that my heart and
my dreams come crashing down.

A tear, yes one single tear, cause I know and I swear it's unfair.
This, boils up inside, creeping and itching deep in my soul, trying to
make sense of it all. I, I just can't believe, that my heart has
fallen to the ground.

A tear, one single tear, cause I know and I swear it's unfair.
I, I hoped you would see, play along and make you believe.
That I, I have waited all my life, for the chance, to aline myself
with the one. And I, thought you were it, prayed so hard that it,
caused me to wish, that you, you'd feel the same way, and be that
half that would complete me one day.

This tear, this one single, has caused me to worry and fret everyday.
But You, yes God You, You tell me that everything will be ok. And with
that, I know that I can, continue hoping for the best. Because I, I like you
and I won't stop until you like me too. And I, I think, this is all what God
planned, and my faith will place me in His hand.

This uncertainty breaks me down, but I swear I won't let You down
This uncertainty breaks me down, but I swear I won't let You down
This uncertainty breaks me down, but I swear I won't let You down

A Tear, one single tear, cause I know and I think it's unfair.
But You, You remind me that You, died for me, and that is
all that I need.

sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole

So I find myself again at a precarious chapter in life. Not really precarious, I just wanted to use that word. I'm just extremely ready to begin a new chapter in my life, a chapter that I can fondly remember as my golden years. There are so many things that I'm having to trust God completely in, and I'm having such a hard time keeping up that amount of faith. My own well wishes are dictating my already complicated thought pattern, sometimes completely replacing my faith with bitterness and thoughts of impatience. It is so hard to want something, and have it look so good, and having to keep up the mindset that it might not be what God wants for me. It is crazy hard to continue trusting that God's will will be done, even if it doesn't coincide with what I want. It's hard to have a glance of what I have waited on, then continue waiting because God wants me to be patient. Patience is a virtue that kills me. I type all of this to say that this is a part of where I want my next chapter to go, but the patience of it tiring.

Oh and I'm tired of hearing how hard college is going to be. It's not as helpful as everyone thinks.

"Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full
It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown"

new day

Glorious song by the Robbie Seay Band. It's called New Day

www.myspace.com/robbieseayband

I'm gonna sing this song
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you're like me
You need hope, coffee, and melody
So sit back down
Let the world keep spinning ‘round
For yesterday's gone and today is waiting on you to show your face

It might not be
The prettiest thing that you'll ever see
But it’s a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day
And it might not look like
A beautiful sunrise
But it's a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day

I’m a pilgrim soul
I've traveled far and come back home
This land is hard and cold
For those who long to love
And I know it might seem
That the world is crumbling
But it’s me and you dancing in the kitchen at 2 am
And we're still alive

It’s the calm of the storm that comes blowing in
It’s the springtime saying I'm back again
The clouds that roll by
Crossing moonlight
Me and you love – everything's alright
Standing in the rain with nowhere to go
Laughing and we're spinning and I hope that you
Remember this day
For the rest of your life
Me and you love – everything’s gonna be alright

And it just might be
The prettiest thing that you'll ever see
It’s a new day
Oh baby, it’s a new day
If you look outside
To see a beautiful sunrise
It’s a new day